Secret sex diary: the polygamous self-pleaser
A week in the life of...a 30-year-old seeking pleasure from wanking
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One-night stands may be on the decline, but a new generation is giving us insight into the who, what, where and why of hooking up in our anonymous, monthly Secret Sex Diaries.
Letting us into the intimate details of a week in their sex life is a 30-year-old NB person who doesn't live with their monogamous partner and fills this pleasure gap by wanking.
relationship style: monogamous
week in numbers
sex (mainly oral and hand jobs): 3
Sex with my partner is pretty wonderful. They’re non-binary too; there’s a shared experience of transness that makes me feel more comfortable with them than I have with anyone else. I’m finally learning to love sex, which is pretty major –– I’ve been sexually assaulted in the past, which has led to years of fearing sexual intimacy, as well as commitment and trust issues.
We’ve been in a monogamous relationship for about a year now, and it seems to be working well for us.We’ve talked before about opening up the relationship, as we’re both fairly sexually adventurous; already, we’ve played together with other people at cruising spots, at sex parties and in dark rooms. We’re both pretty happy with being monogamous-ish at the minute, although we’re both aware that might change. My trust issues are one of the reasons I would be nervous to open up the relationship, so I feel lucky to have a partner that’s willing to communicate openly about this so these discussions don’t feel scary.
The primary struggle is that we’re both really busy at the minute and we both have ongoing health conditions, which lead to chronic pain flare-ups. We don’t currently live together –– we’re both tied into long rental contracts so we’ve made plans to do so late next year. And I’m trying to stay on top of a huge work project right now, which means I’m always so tempted to procrasturbate. (Is this a thing? If not, I’m making it a thing).
I love masturbating. My sex drive is higher than ever, and I really enjoy being in control of my own orgasms –– sometimes with the aid of sex toys, but mainly just with my trusty left hand. The second half of this week in particular will be hectic as I’m going away with my partner; I’m just hoping I don’t get too distracted by wanking in the meantime.
I wake up feeling exhausted. It’s been a long weekend full of late nights, socialising, and sex. So I snooze my alarm and sleep until 10am, one of the best perks of working from home.
I’m tempted to masturbate this morning – the weather is abysmal again – but today I resist. Instead, I manage to cook breakfast, do laundry and go for a long walk, all whilst juggling emails, deadlines and to-do lists. I do more work than expected, so at around 6pm I tuck myself in bed for a long, luxurious wank. It’s likely to be a busy week – today is the calm before the storm – so I edged for over an hour, and managed to have the most amazing orgasm. Now to make dinner, have a long bath and spend the night reading. Bliss!
Today has been deeply unsexy –– I got drenched in the rain again on the way into the office, so I spent most of the day feeling gross. It has been productive thoughOnce I get home I consider buying a new sex toy. I’ve been trying to masturbate more with them lately, but I rarely find anything that makes me feel good. I’ve tried clitoral stimulators (they’re great for stimulating the tip of my dick), cock rings (not for me) and prostate massagers (I’ve had one or two prostate orgasms, but it’s not something I reach for often), as well as fleshlights and butt plugs. I decide to be sensible and save cash instead. No plans again tonight –– they were rained off –– so in the evening I have another long, luxurious wank.
I’ve been on SSRIs for the best part of two years. Initially, they made it hard for me to orgasm, but it quickly got easier, and anti-depressants definitely haven’t lowered my sex drive!
Today was a difficult mental health day, though. I went on a date with my partner and ended up getting into a petty argument, so by the time I got home at 10pm, the last thing I wanted to do was masturbate. But then I was too sad to get to sleep, so I ended up having a pathetic, sad wank to a live-stream of a Brazilian guy washing the dishes with his butt hanging out. A definite low point to the week, but at least the orgasm relaxed me enough to finally drift off.
Today has been a lot more positive than yesterday. I’m going away for the weekend with my partner the argument got resolved!) which is exciting, but I sometimes feel pressure to have non-stop sex on weekends away.
I’m feeling a little anxious today, but not enough to dampen my sex drive. I spend the evening packing my suitcase, looking forward to exploring a new city and fantasising about sex with my partner. Naturally, I have an evening wank. Looking back at this week, I feel like I actually masturbate quite a lot, especially considering I’ve actually toned down my procrasturbation. No matter how much sex-positive media I consume, it’s still hard not to feel shame about this. Anyway, another amazing orgasm!
There’s something about hotel sheets that makes me so damn horny. Ten minutes after we check in, we lay on the mattress to check the firmness of the mattress… we both get turned on while doing so, and we end up having sex for the first time this weekend.
It’s an hour-long session, a combination of penetrative and oral sex, followed by some rimming and fingering. Finally, we finish each other off with hand jobs. I think it’s going to be an enjoyable weekend!
Although we’re kind of on holiday, we’ve both still got work to do, so we’re up and out early this morning to go to an event. Luckily, the itinerary isn’t as packed as we’d both feared, so we get time in the early afternoon to come back to the hotel for a nap. Unsurprisingly, it ends up being a cuddle, followed by us both getting aroused, followed by lots of making out, nipple play (which I’m slowly discovering that I love) and hand jobs.
I could happily live without penetrative sex and maybe I’m unusual for that. I prefer heavy make-out sessions, dry-humping and oral. We end up going for a night out (lots of karaoke, so fun!) and are approached by a couple who try to hit on us. We’re not ready for an open relationship yet, so we politely decline. We’re both exhausted when we get back to the hotel in the early hours of the morning, so bedtime it is.
We both knew we’d wake up too late for the hotel breakfast –– you have to pay for it anyway, so no huge loss –– but I’m surprised that we both wake up horny. What starts as a spooning session turns into lots of body kisses and me going down on my partner. I masturbate while I do so, and we both end up having an orgasm at the same time. It is hot, and we’ve still got time to pack before checking out!
The train home gets us back in the early afternoon, so we make out at the station and go our separate ways. I meet my friend for a few hours to shop and eat some delicious food, but when I’m back home I can’t stop fantasising about sex with my partner, so I end up masturbating. As I’m drifting off to sleep around midnight, I fantasise again about the sex we’ve had, so I masturbate once more before bed. Finally, after one sex session and two wanks, I’m finally spent for the day.
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