How to use dating apps so they don’t suck
Want to game the apps? With both Hinge and Bumble making their experiences more user-friendly, we’ve asked for advice from users and experts to beat that online dating fatigue
Want to game the apps? With both Hinge and Bumble making their experiences more user-friendly, we’ve asked for advice from users and experts to beat that online dating fatigue
We don’t have to tell you that dating apps are in their flop era. If you’re looking to date, have a friend who’s single or pay attention to social media, you know that the apps are failing us. From people who steal your Tabis and swindle you out of money to ghosters, breadcrumbers and cheaters galore, the horror stories are hard to avoid. Even if you’re a hardpressed optimist and believe that “even a bad date makes for a good story”, it’s increasingly difficult to find someone on an app whom you like enough to actually arrange a meet. No wonder Gen Z is abandoning online dating.
Before you tune out, we’re not here to harp on about how much dating apps suck right now. We know, you know, the woman on TikTok who went viral for the “last chopper out of ‘Nam” joke knows. In fact, dating apps have gotten the hint as well. As the apps with the most skin in the game, both Hinge and Bumble have been making strides to better their dating experience for users. At the tail end of April, Hinge launched Hidden Words, a feature that allows daters to filter words, phrases and emojis that they’re not interested in engaging with.
As more people say dating sucks, it’s hard to believe in the process. How do you move past the fatigue?
I think being intentional about dating can be really helpful. Before you start swiping, meeting or connecting with people, try to figure out what you want out of the process. Practices like journaling or goal-setting can help you process your feelings. If you know you don't want a relationship, that's great too – it just helps you figure out whom to spend time with, and how to be honest with others so that you don't inadvertently waste their time. And if you're not sure what you want, that's OK – it just helps to keep returning to these questions of intention and purpose as you continue to meet and date.
Aside from being intentional, taking it slow can help. Try focusing on just one app at a time, or limiting the number of matches you're speaking to or dates you're going on. Remember that everyone in the process is human, even if it feels like they're just a profile photo! And finally, remember that it's OK to take breaks – even if you do have the intention of getting into a relationship, you don't have to rush. Taking care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally should be your top priority, and that will also give you a stronger sense of energy and enjoyment when you re-enter the process.
Abby Wood, Hinge user
Tell me a little about your experience on the apps.
I’ve been on and off the apps for about 18 months. I go through definite phases where I go on more dates, and dry spells where it is all just too much effort. I always joke that Hinge is the darkest corner of the internet and the 'most compatible' feature is the most humbling experience. But in saying that, some of the funnest dates I have been on have come from Hinge. It does take some digging, but there are gems around.
Do you have specific advice on how to move past the talking stage?
If you’ve made it to the talking stage, it’s likely you’ve already found common ground with this person, so once you’ve established there’s an initial spark – take it offline. Propose a date with a clear plan – time, place, and activity. If they're hesitant or decline without offering an alternative, it's a signal that maybe they're not feeling the same connection. Face-to-face meetups are the bare minimum commitment when dating, so if someone isn't eager to make that happen, it's a sign to gracefully park the conversation.
