How to use sex toys

We weren't going to just send you off with the right tools without giving you a word or two about how to maximise their potential! That's like handing someone the keys to a car before they've even had their first driving lesson. In the interests of giving you or your loved ones (send them this article!) a guide on how to use sex toys properly and why they're so great we called up Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist and therapist.

How to use sex toys and stay safe

First things first, it's time to put our safer sex hats on! Often we only think about sexual health when it comes to our interactions with other humans - but sex toys do pose potential risks including discomfort or STI transmission. Here's how to stay safe according to expert Ness Cooper.

• Lube it up! "Using lubricant with sex toys can help make both external and internal sex toy play comfortable. It can also reduce the risk of injury when using high powered vibrations or discomfort when using suction toys."
• Keep it clean. "Make sure your sex toys are clean before use to avoid upsetting the genitals' pH balance. When the pH balance becomes upset it can lead unwanted symptoms such as bacterial vaginosis."
• That's a wrap - use a condom or barrier. "If sharing sex toys with multiple partner make sure you clean them before switching between each partner or change the barrier method over them (such as condoms). Getting regularly tested for STIs can also help you stay safe when sharing sex toys with multiple lovers."
• Size doesn't matter - but shape does. "Don’t use sex toys without a flared base anally, as ones without flared bases can become stuck within the anal canal."
• Don't push the limit. "When using cock rings and other sex toys that restrict the penis don’t use them for more than 30 minutes a time - this can cause injury."

There you have it people! Keep these rules in mind and enjoy the orgasms of a lifetime...

How can you use sex toys in a couple?

Okay, so you may well be a sex toy aficionado in your own time - but what about bringing them into partnered? Well, you're going to have to broach the conversation and gain enthusiastic consent first. In order to effectively communicate this, it can help to be mindful of the other person's feelings and perspective. "Talking about your desires to try sex toys together can be very important when introducing them into the bedroom," says Cooper. "When telling a partner that there’s a particular type of sex toy you want to try in the bedroom, explain the emotional motivation behind it too as this can help your partner understand why it’s important to you."

You might also want to give them some space to think about it, rather than pressing them for an answer ASAP. "Allow your partner time to process the concept of sex toys if they are new to it. This may be the first time they have thought about sex toy use within your relationship," she adds.

And finally, get to prepping! If your partner is into the idea, it helps to think about what you want to try and how you want to approach it - so as to avoid any awkward moments when you get down to action and to pre-establish boundaries and expectations. "Decide on what type of sex toys you’d like to use and whether or not they’re to use on you, them, or together during certain sexual activities such as sex positions," Cooper adds. "Browsing sex toy wish lists can help you both get a feeling for what type of sex toys you want to explore together, and it can open up conversations around how you’d use them as a couple."

What are some health benefits of sex toys?

You might have known that vibrators were initially formulated in the 1800s as a way to treat a range of health problems in men. While a lot of early ideas about the medical potential of the vibrator have since been disproved (they're not a magical cure-all), they can be used with a range of positive results for your wellbeing.

"Sex toys can help increase blood flow to the genitals and stimulate nerves and muscle fibres in ways manual stimulation from hands isn’t able to. This can help those who are experiencing sexual dysfunction due to impacts from medications such as anti-depressants to feel stimulation and pleasurable sensations," explains Cooper. "Vibrations can help some experiencing vaginal tightness or vaginismus by relaxing the pelvic floor muscles and suction sex toys are amazing for those who may experience nerve-related issues, as it can help many experience orgasm when all other sex toy or sexual stimulation fails."

"Even without pre-existing health conditions sex toys can be amazing. Sex toys can help you to experience sexual pleasure, which can lead to a release of feel-good hormones and result in lower anxiety and depression, as well as better sleep and self-esteem."

Best LELO sex toys

LELO is synonymous with luxury, a brand that combines cutting-edge tech with sumptuous design that has won the company a vast number of industry awards. Founded in 2002, it has over two decades of expertise in the area of feel-good and has plenty of iconic toys - from the Dot clitoral vibrator (which has a precise af tip) to the Billy prostate massager (which promises next-level prostate sensations for intense orgasms). Discover your next sex toy obsession!

Best oral sex toys

Oral sex toys do exactly what they say on the tin: simulate the feeling of being eaten out, to a standard that's probably better than most of your hookups. The best-known gadgets in this category are suction toys, which come with a "head" that you seal over the desired part of your vulva (they also work on nipples too, if you want to try giving yourself a nipple-gasm). You then cycle through the toy controls for the pattern and setting that feels right, as you would with a regular vibrator. However, the unique thing about these toys is that they don't vibrate (unless otherwise stated): they send out luxurious pressure waves that vary from feather-light to seriously intense. You have to try it to believe it.

Best men's sex toys

Sex toys for people with penises have often been shrouded in a certain "ick" factor and it's more than time to break the stigma - we all deserve pleasure, after all. If you're unsure where to start, you might want to pick up a cock ring: they've already got a Frank Ocean cosign after all. These toys come in many forms - some are stretchy, for example, while others vibrate - and they're designed to restrict blood flow in the area, leading (in theory) to stronger, longer-lasting erections. Another gem is the masturbation sleeve, typically a hollowed cup with textured interior, which will no doubt give you the handjob of your life. Masturbate with pride, good friends!

Best bullet vibrators

Bullet vibrators are some of the most popular sex toys, probably because these clitoral vibrators tend to be quiet, small and discreet - making them a perfect beginner's or travel toy. One thing to pay attention to when browsing is the tip: if you like targeted stimulation, go for a point, and if you prefer a more all-over sensation, try and find a rounded tip which will give you more surface area to play with. And remember, sometimes great things come in small packages!

Best rabbit vibrators

All the way back in 1998, the rabbit vibrator was popularised by an episode of Gen X TV phenomenon Sex and the City and, all these years later, the basic appeal is enduring: internal and external stimulation, all at the same time. The classic versions of these toys typically combine a dildo-like shaft for internal penetration (which sometimes twists or thrusts), paired with a pair of plastic rabbit "ears" which provide external stimulation by tickling the clitoris. Newer versions might take the dual stimulation concept into new territory, pairing a suction toy (like the ones seen above) with a classic dildo or even a g-spot toy. Whatever the deal, it's your best bet for a so-called blended orgasm: a simultaneous vaginal and clitoral orgasm.

Best wand vibrators

Not everyone with a vulva likes or can tolerate penetration, for a whole host of reasons: whether it's a condition like vaginismus, pain or discomfort, or just because it's not their cup of tea. Penetration is far from the be-all and end-all, in fact, a 2017 scientific study claimed that only 18% of cis women (the sample didn't appear to include any non-binary or trans people) orgasmed through penetration alone. Enough said! If you're mostly into clitoral stimulation and aren't fussed about internal toys, you'll want to grab a wand vibrator. The heavy-duty vibration technology in wands was marketed as a "personal massager" due to laws in the US (such as the Obscenity Statute in Texas) that prevented the sale of sex toys in the 1970s but, regardless of the messaging, customers quickly found, ahem, an alternative use for those good vibes.

Best g-spot vibrators and dildos

Internal sex toys can come in many shapes and sizes, including classic dildos (complete with veiny texture, if you're into that) or sleek, curved internal vibes that look almost ornamental in nature and promise a totally new sensation upon insertion. Then, there are g-spot vibrators; often a form of dildo with a bulbous or upwards-curving tip, intended to stimulate the, you guessed it, g-spot. If you don't know what a g-spot is, we don't blame you! It's appearance, properties, location and even existence are contested by some corners of the scientific community, but it's considered to be a textured piece of flesh inside the vagina, on the front wall. It's said that stimulating the g-spot leads to intense orgasms and even squirting (aka female ejaculation) with a recent study suggesting that the area might be such a source of pleasure because it's actually a non-visible part of the clitoris! The more you know...

Best butt plugs

Butt plugs are a truly underrated gender neutral sex toy. While, admittedly, anal play is extra enjoyable for people with prostates (which can be stimulated through internal anal massage, giving a full-body orgasm) everyone has a bum and, therefore, the capacity to enjoy a butt plug - especially if it's one that vibrates. When browsing for these toys, make sure you choose an option with a flared base (so nothing, erm, gets stuck) and consider picking a smaller size if you're more of a beginner. Just make sure you always use lube!

Best lubes

And, on that note, it's time for some lube! As it turns out, this gorgeous, slippery substance is still more than a little taboo: the dating app Thursday recently gathered data suggesting that 80% of people would wait up to six months to discuss lube with a sexual partner. Well, we're here to tell you that lubricant is an essential - not a dirty little secret. Not only does lube help with conditions like vaginal dryness, it is also invaluable when exploring anal play (as we know, that area doesn't self-lubricate) and is a must-have for exploring with any sex toys, even masturbation sleeves designed for people with penises. A word to the wise: prioritise water-based lubes, as they are compatible with silicone sex toys and silicone condoms and won't lead to any risky breakages.